Marriage, it is one of the more complicated facets of modern life, a mysterious entity that morphs and evolves with each new age, each generation then having to contend with an entirely unique set of circumstances, their goal being to crack the code behind this complicated relationship.
While the intricacies of marriage seem to change with the passing of time, the general outlook on the institution is fairly static, a majority of those seeking premarital advice in each era almost always coming forth with the same sort of questions as those that came before and after.
It isn’t the rare man or woman that will find him or herself troubled by the prospect of the future. Certainly when executed right marriage as an institution should bring some form of happiness and contentment, yet aren’t such successful results determined by one’s ability to choose the right partner?
Is there really a scientifically proven formally guaranteed means through which to determine if you have chosen the right partner? What if it was you languishing in that situation, waking up from a proposal several months later, dogged by doubts, seeking premarital counseling over the gnawing feeling that you cannot say without a doubt that you chose the right partner with whom to spend your life?
What would be the answer to this defining query?
Well most people will agree that there is no full proof means of knowing that you have indeed found Mr. right; yet it is worth pointing out that such doubts are healthy and acceptable to a certain extent, so long as those doubts are not elicited by wholly explicit signs such as excessive drinking and pugnacity; in which case there shouldn’t be that much doubt about what you need to do.
It is a matter of determining how reasonable your doubts are and determining how potent the signs you are detecting may be. Otherwise, with current divorce rates, doubts are healthy. Some have put forward theories about settling these doubts.
A few have cited happiness, in that while a partner shouldn’t be the sole reason for your happiness, you should be able to draw an emotional power, a sense of well being from the emotional union between you and your partner.
There needs to be a sense of support, an encouragement elicited from the relationship that brings you emotional and intellectual fulfillment. This takes into account the emotional contributions your partner makes to the relationship and your life, because anyone attracting negativity, that displays selfishness or elicits embarrassment from your should set off some alarms.
Most people, in contributing premarital advice about the right partner, will emphasize the need for compatibility with regards to physical intimacy and affection, their ability to manifest love rather than simply verbalizing it, the little things that show forethought such as providing a helping hand, remembering one’s birthday, displaying patience, unwarranted hugs and so on.
But maybe more important that physical intimacy, or coming before that is the need to create a meaningful connection. Basically the right partner will be someone you will like, a friend that you can connect with on all levels and whom you want to spend time with. Most other factors will almost always lose meaning without a substantial affection and fondness. Many will cite key traits that must be
present in the right partner such as kindness, politeness, at the very least manifesting proper manners.
All premarital advise professionals tend to emphasize the importance of communication; this relates to the necessity to sync the intricacies of each other’s lives, your goals and values and expectations; the right partner will share your mutual respect for him, allowing for disagreements to occur amicably, making it possible for you to communicate what you need to without fear or anxiety.
Maybe as important as communication and the need to create a connection is the ability to adapt, especially when your own lives undergo changes; it is the ability to evolve during your premarital days to the events of life that will provide you insight on how he will react to the upheavals of marriage and whether he will be able to weather the difficulties with a stout heart.
Ultimately because people are so different there might be no sure way to determining if your partner is right for you. For most it is a question of whether you partner is good for you, whether they encourage you to take risks, push you to do the things that are good for you even when you can barely stomach them and so on.
For more advice on relationships between couples check out Love Nurture